Go
by alicenicolette
Summary: Things are changing for the newly initiated titans. How will they cope with the transition? A storm of troubles is sweeping in, of lovers, of tyrants, and of secrets. Rating will change. Pairings remain true to the show. Takes place directly after the titans meet- featured in the episode "Go"
1. New Beginnings

**I apologize in advance for any mistake you may see here and there, but I've just revised this. Hopefully I caught everything. Any kind of reviewing is appreciated, even if you absolutely hate my story...:)**

Robin sighed as the warm water pounded on his back. The bathroom filled with steam, fogging up the mirror and creating a fine mist within the air. The past few months had been rough, and now it seemed as though the world had been lifted off of his shoulders. He knew it couldn't last- he was a leader now. Or he would be soon enough. If that wasn't pressure, he didn't know what was. It hadn't been simple being a sidekick, mostly because of the constant harassment from Bruce. He had to admit, he'd felt under appreciated as well. Not that it was acceptable, he hated himself for it. The fact of the matter was, however, that he'd gotten an extremely little amount of praise compared to Batman. Robin had always given his all, tried his hardest each and every time. Nothing ever seemed like enough, for anyone. It weighed down on him.

He could never let anyone down now. He was to look after four incredibly powerful people, and underneath that, look after a city. There was no room for mistakes. He literally was holding the lives of his teammates and citizens in his hands. One slip up could mean death.

He had secretly taken a liking to his team members already, mostly from afar. One in particular stood out to him. It was Starfire. Every thought of his revolved around her. She had been responsible for bringing the team together in the first place. Sometimes she was just beautiful, not in what she said or the way she looked, but just what she was as a person. She was beautiful looking and sounding anyway. But just the simplest things, like the way she spoke incorrectly, or the innocence in her eyes, or the way she twirled her hair when she was in deep thought made Robin more attracted to her every day.

It had only been a week.

Robin exited the bathroom and sighed once more, combing through his hair and styling it to his liking. He found himself trying a little bit harder every day to look okay for her, and it distressed him. It racked his brain. He was a teenager and of course these things would happen and hormones and testosterone and sex and pressure and girls and desire and etc...

And still, he felt pathetic when it came to her. He felt so weak.

Bruce had taught him differently.

After getting dressed, Robin went out to the kitchen in hopes of seeing his teammates. Sure enough, Raven was there. She read every single morning, no exceptions. The same cup of peach herbal tea in the exact placement it was always in, gently steaming and giving of the tranquil aroma that it did all the time. Raven looked up at him and closed her eyes for a second or two. "Herbal tea," she murmured. Robin curled his lip.

"It smells nice," he responded, a tad confused. Raven looked at him with one eyebrow raised.

"Would you like some?" She almost sounded spiteful, but she was using every fiber in her being to sound amicable. Robin curled his lip again and shook his head. He would never say yes. He'd drank tea only once before, and he said he never would again. He was fond of it, very fond of it. But it made him too relaxed, and he couldn't stand that inner warmth feeling that it gave him. He couldn't stand the fact that it reminded him of his mother, who used to drink tea often.

Robin placed his hand on the counter top, leaning in toward Raven. "Do you want anything else to eat?" he asked meekly. She peered up over her book impatiently, but grew softer as she realized his pressing effort to be kind to her.

"No," she replied brusquely, but her attention was wrapped around his fragile face and she grew softer once more. "Thanks." She looked down at her book again, but directed a small smile towards him. He made the same small smile and sighed through his nose.

"Morning, y'all," Cyborg called while entering the kitchen. "Who's in the mood for waffles? I know I am." A large smile was printed on his face. Beast Boy trailed behind him, yawning and wiping the sleep out of his eyes.

"Tofu eggs?" Beast Boy suggested, but Cyborg turned him down quickly.

"Nasty," Cyborg said, sticking his tongue out.

Robin felt a blush washing over him as he wondered where Starfire was. Usually she was awake much earlier than the boys, but then again, they had woken up extremely early today. Robin wondered anyway. "Have...any of you seen Starfire?" The team looked at him knowingly. Cyborg even chuckled a bit.

"Why, you want another kiss?" he laughed, winking. Robin felt the blood rising in his face. He stumbled out of the room, embarrassed, heading towards Starfire's room.

He arrived at her door and sighed nervously before knocking. He waited a few seconds, but there was no answer. He knocked again and waited, but still there was no reply. He was growing impatient. "Star.." he called longingly, knocking again.

"Go away, please."

His brows furrowed. "You're missing breakfast." She was silent. "What's wrong?"

She ignored him for a while, but answered as she realized he was still standing there. "It is nothing. Please enjoy your meal without my company."

"Starfire I'm not leaving until you let me in." She blushed from inside her room. "I'm...just trying to be... nice," he uttered, sounding frustrated and impatient.

Nice. This word was still of foreign to Starfire. She understood it, and she knew how to felt to be treated with kindness. It was similar to waking up to the gentle sound of rain or birds chirping, soothing and beautiful. But still, this feeling was something so new and unfamiliar. It was something she had only experienced in the company of her family- but never by near strangers. She stood up and walked toward the door, sighing before she opened it and allowed Robin to come inside. As the sliding door revealed his figure, Starfire felt her heart drop into her stomach. She couldn't bring herself to greet him, so instead she turned away quickly and plopped down onto her bed. He made his way over to her, sitting only a small distance away from her. She clawed at her bedsheets and let out a long breath of air before speaking. "I am feeling very strange as of late."

Robin clung onto the edge of the bed, nervous. "Why's that?" he asked, trying to sound caring. He cringed a bit as his voice had cracked.

She hadn't noticed his slip up. "Everyone here treats me with the kindness, and I am thankful. But I cannot help but feel as though I am too...different. I consume the foods that are called 'unappetizing' and I do not speak in the same way that others do. I know nothing of your customs or of how I am supposed to act. Who do I treat with respect? Where are the slaves? Where are the rulers? Everything has been altered for me, almost too quickly. I am unsure of how to handle it. I feel embarrassed of myself and I feel very unworthy of your kindness." She wrapped a blanket around her body and smothered herself with a pillow bashfully.

"Starfire," he sighed, wondering how he could tell her everything she needed to know without wetting himself. "The team accepts you because we like you. We think you are worthy of our kindness. You brought the team together. You're very important. And despite what you may think, everyone has their quirks. Everyone, even on Earth, does things that may be a little strange. And that's okay. The people who mind are people that you don't need to keep around. But none of the team members mind anything you do, I mean it. Honestly, none of us are normal." He smiled at her, and she rose up from her laying position, glowing.

"Are you sure of this, Robin?" she asked him, her green eyes twinkling. He nodded at her.

"I promise."


	2. Sonder

**_I can't sleep, so I wrote more. Enjoy- sorry for any mistakes. I'll revise it tomorrow._**

**Sonder (n.)- the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you'll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.**

* * *

Robin clawed at the floor, hunched over and breathing heavily. He allowed his forehead to drop slightly and meet the ground. Sighing, he shut his eyes. There were times when he felt like burying himself. He growled viciously, angry with himself and so swallowed by his rage that he could barely think. His temples throbbed and his nostrils flared. Robin always wanted to push himself, he wanted more out of himself than he could actually give. Every time he tried to get better he let himself down.

Robin heard his name being called from the hallway. He'd no will to get up, or even try to. A few soft knocks on his door and he was still down, grunting. The door glided open, revealing a half demon in dark clothing. She took two steps into the training room and halted, aware of the scene before her.

"Is...everything okay?" she asked, sounding a bit concerned. Robin placed his hands on the ground firmly, and struggled to push himself up. His eyes met hers and he nodded, then came back to the floor and rolled onto his back, covering his face with his hands.

"I'll be out in a minute," he uttered stiffly. Raven nodded and left the room, avoiding any other conversation.

Robin stepped out into the main room where he saw his friends waiting for him. He'd stepped into the shower quickly, and even gelled his hair.

"Someone cleans up well," Raven said, looking quite confused. Robin disregarded her comment.

"Pizza, I'm assuming...?" Robin forced a smile. "Great, let's go."

The Titans had grown a small amount closer within the past week. Cyborg and Beast Boy seemed to have hit it off from the very beginning, but they also spent a lot of time together while building the tower. (Not that Beast Boy did any of the work.) They shared common interests and a childish, mocking sense of humor that bit at Robin sometimes. More than anything, Cyborg and Beast Boy wanted to grow closer with Robin. They felt as if he was very uptight and serious, but at the same time they knew that underneath his mask- both literally and figuratively- was someone they could get along with. They tried teasing him, but it only seemed to push him farther away. They offered to play video games with him, but Robin would always decline, saying that he had work to do. The only time they got to spend with him was when they ate. Mostly, their diets consisted of pizza, being that the team members were teenagers. Cyborg and Beast Boy figured that they could grow closer to Robin through something they called "Bro Bonding," a term which basically translated to the sharing of everything teenage boys like- one of them being food, and lots of it.

Going out for pizza was a common occurrence; it happened about four times a week. Raven refused to go most of the time, but tonight was an exception, for Starfire as well. Lately, she'd been declining the invitations to get pizza. It was strange, because she enjoyed the food a lot, but Robin figured it had something to do with her insecurities about her "different" eating habits. Starfire liked to order mint frosting on her pizza rather than tomato sauce, and mustard as a drink rather than a soda. She'd received many disapproving looks from other people- and it had gotten to her. Robin was happy that this situation was brought to his attention. He was still unbearably nervous around her, but at least now he'd an excuse to talk to her, or even _hold_ her. She enjoyed talking to him about things that bothered her, or about things she enjoyed, or memories of her childhood. Just chatting. She trusted him with her full, tender heart- and he'd be a sinner to ever betray her. He thought of her as incapable of doing any wrong. She would vent to him, or complain on occasion, but never about other people. The only person she ever felt angry with was herself. She was a sad, confused alien girl in desperate need of a friend. Robin listened to her, and he comforted her, and he tried his best to make her smile. She'd even cried in front of him, and he held her until she finally stopped. It hurt him to she her upset, because her smile was the most beautiful, uplifting thing he had ever witnessed, and its absence was truly a burden.

Raven spent a lot of time by herself, reading or meditating. She was content being alone most of the time, but felt a sense of lacking. Not that she was lonely, but perhaps she felt like she was missing out. Her teammates were very kind to her and welcomed her into every situation with open arms, but a lot of the time she wished not to be part of it. It wasn't that she disliked her teammates- she just didn't feel quite comfortable yet. She'd exchanged a few meaningful words here and there with Robin and with Starfire- but the conversations always remained concise. Beast Boy and Cyborg were on another level, a more irritating level, and she knew it would take some time to adjust to their mind numbing antics. Despite all of this, she felt it hard to trust that these people actually accepted her and enjoyed her presence. She'd known that Starfire felt the same way, and so she had felt a kind of solace about it sometimes. Other times, however, she felt very reserved and almost bitter. She didn't ever mean to come off that way- it just came with the irritation of feeling as though she was missing out on the blossoming of great friendships, and that it had been her own fault.

I was hard to break the walls down and let people in, when there was so much to explain.

Troubled pasts always bring fear for the future, and Raven felt vulnerable. She didn't like to talk about the things that troubled her. It was important to keep a level head anyway, so that her powers remained under control. She was afraid of being sad. She was afraid of sharing emotion and opening up because she would no longer be under control of her powers, and that was hard for her. She wanted to be able to control something about her life since most of it was chaos.

And so, when she was invited to join her team for pizza, she often denied the invite. On this night, however, she felt determined to try.

Robin remained distant for most of the walk there, his eyes far away and wondering. Starfire walked rather close to him, but she rarely spoke. Her right arm was crossed over her torso, clinging to her opposite arm. On occasion she would whisper a few things to Robin about how much she admired the mystical city lights that were strewn across the town, or about the trails of trash littered along the sidewalks. He would make very small replied to her, but his attention was not devoted to her. He was feeling very uneasy at the time.

No amount of crime had happened since the titans had built the tower and began living together. He was on edge 24/7, wondering when his leadership role would have to begin. The anticipation was ruining him day by day. With each day that passed without an alert, he spent hours upon hours training and straining himself to near sickness, purely out of stress and feelings of low self worth. He wondered if any of it would be recognized. He wondered if his assiduous attitude would finally work in his favor.

That night was the night that he learned his worth.

* * *

Robin remembered exactly how terrible it was. The pressure- the first time he'd ever had to lead a group of people.

He was chasing after a villain he had never seen before. She wore a white mask that draped over her face loosely. It seemed as though there were no holes for her eyes, nose or mouth. The eyes on the mask were large and blue, and the lips were small and pink, curved into an eerie smile. Her figure was thin and fragile, and she was very pale looking. She wore only a small lacy bra and underwear to match, but there wasn't anything sensual about her. Just minutes before, after torturing many of the townspeople, she'd disappeared into thin air after crying very faintly as a result of the team catching her. So the team had split up in search for the faceless demon. Robin felt as though he was letting his children go explore the depths of hell by themselves. If anything were to happen to them- he would be responsible.

After a while of ostensibly meaningless searching, most of the team had decided to go back home. Robin was standing on the top of a building with Starfire, as they had ran into each other during the search. That moment when she saw her flying just above him was something he would never forget. His pressing anxiety had diminished in an instant and relief washed over him. He'd known everyone else was fine- but seeing her unharmed was the greatest reward.

He stood far toward the edge of the building with her, scoping out the streets keenly.

"What do you suppose her motive was?" Starfire asked meekly, but looking indignant.

"I don't know. Then again, not all villains have one. There isn't always a reason for everything."

"She seemed mostly to be targeting girls, pulling out their hair or aiming at them with blades. It seems as though she meant to cause quite a bit of harm. Judging by her cloaking, perhaps she was a young girl...similar to them, however distressed by herself. She hid very desperately behind her mask and was very thin...signifying uncertainty and self consciousness. Do you not agree?"

Robin raised an eyebrow. "Jealousy can kill a person's soul."

In that single moment, it became clear to both Robin and Starfire that this was the beginning of a tempest. They were involved with the most demonic villains and the most catastrophic heroes that most people would never witness in their lifetime. It was then that they realized they were worth something, and it was a revelation of emotion flowing through them. They were responsible for a town full of people, living and thriving through every passing day just as they do themselves, that every single solitary civilian had a life as complex and as sentient as their own. They stood, drenched with both pride and with fear, but most of all- with **_sonder._**


	3. No Sonic

**This one is incredibly short, but I'll be continuing tomorrow. Thats a promise. **

* * *

Robin woke at dawn. He felt his spine begin to loosen with every ray of light that cradled him. He pushed himself further underneath his covers, groaning.

He woke again, fumbling through an ocean of blankets in order to find sleep once more.

He heard a few soft knocks at the door. "What a bother," he murmured. He laid there as the knocking grew more repetitive, but he couldn't bring himself to answer. Finally, black energy cloaked the door and forced it open. Groaning, Robin tossed himself away from Raven.

"You can't escape your problems by faking a comatose," she uttered softly. Robin made a visible shrug. "Robin, you're pathetic." He grimaced, rubbing his forehead to release tension.

"Any sign of him?"

"No. Starfire has been searching all morning. Beast Boy is trying to track his scent. I can't feel him." Robin spit a crude remark that was inaudible. "This might work out better if you'd get up and do something, leader." Robin felt his eyes begin to get misty.

"It's my fault. I've done enough damage."

Things had been going well for the team lately. Cyborg and Beast Boy were finally able to break through to Robin and he was growing close with them. He had even made his own signature move with Cyborg to use during battle. "That stupid Sonic Boom. What a dud. What a stupid idea," Robin muttered bitterly. And now, it had seemed that everything had come together just to fall apart again.

"Wrong. The Sonic Boom was fine, your attitude wasn't," Raven said softly. "Neither was his. Stop blaming yourself."

Robin wanted nothing more than for Cyborg to come back. He needed this team to be a unit. He sighed lamely and rose from underneath his covers, finally agreeing to help.


End file.
